Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
