Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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