I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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