Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
