its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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