Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
