whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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