I got her a Nickelback box set.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
