; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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