Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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