my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
