I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think my vagina is haunted
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
