did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
