She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize