have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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