its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
