So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
