Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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