I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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