all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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