Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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