I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
