I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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