Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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