sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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