I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
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