I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
