it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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