I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
