Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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