24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
