Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my sisters under your porch take her home
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
