Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
All the doctor said was why
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
