i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
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Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday