That's when you crack a 10am beer
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
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We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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