i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.