No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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