I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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