So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
