Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
