I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just cropdusted the office
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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