I cockslap morals
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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