you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
