You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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