once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
