She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
