I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
