the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
