It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
