Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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