oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
