Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
