I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
