I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
