I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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