my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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