This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
