is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
