life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
