Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
