What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
