you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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