Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
