I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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