Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
