it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
